What does it mean when a guy says he doesn't want to ruin the friendship? Is he rejecting me or is there another explanation? Why would a guy choose not to risk the friendship if he has feelings for me?

It’s a really strange phenomenon. I don’t understand it either because I usually don’t date guys who are my friend and if I did, they usually weren’t super close friends, so it hurts but not as much as losing a friend of 1+ years.

I wished someone told me earlier that a friendship can be ruined by a relationship. It makes it so much painful and guess what’s usually the solution? Just replace and patch it up with a different experience. Yup, just find a better patch or a better relationship until it’s not possible.

Let’s just say, it’s much easier to try to understand how things usually work than trying to solve something that hasn’t worked. Sometimes, crushes do need to remain crushes unless both people are available, and ...

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A lot of times, people have complicated life with secrets and struggles that they don’t seem to want to talk about. No matter how much I see someone and am friendly for 1 year or more, there usually still a sense that I don’t know them. I think that being in a relationship is a lot more different. It’s way more intimate and you might share everyday of your life, so you make sure the relationship you’re in is comfortable.

Of course, everyone is going to understand it differently. Even the most analytical or intelligent or experienced person is going to say it in the same way, because it’s not a problem you can solve—ever. Is it a problem to avoid? Sure. But just know that it’s as unsolvable as death.

So yes, in all short friendships and acquaintanceships, it was always ruined because someone had feelings and someone can’t figure out to talk to them without telling them no or developing feelings again. Let me reiterate: all. Like 95–99%, and almost indefinitely.

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Can you act and play a part in your life forever? Most likely not. Most people are not good actors. Even actors can play a role indefinitely without succumbing to tiredness. What would the girlfriend or wife say when the “ex” reaches out? I know I’m not jealous but does the guy know what he wants? Those are just things people say and ask because that’s how our world is run.

I think that most people do lose friendships when interested. So far despite not being in a friendship, I can count at least 5 guys who were friendly for a while- but they were nice because they were trying to “date”. For them, it was all or nothing. I wasn’t able to act like a “bro” to them either. In the end, it gets confusing, and the confusing vibes is what drives people away. It’s easier to not have to deal with discomfort. It’s also easier to not change what was weird. In the end, the friendship is ruined and you can’t just force closeness on someone who doesn’t want to interact with you.

I think I do need to treat my guy friends and female friends differently unfortunately. And for the guys, give them lots of space or let them start the conversation sometimes.

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